Usually in the morning as I awaken from sleep, I mentally try to connect with Spirit and think a little about the day ahead. Do we need more milk from the market, gas in the car, what should I wear today? But this morning as I awoke I felt a little melancholy… I wasn’t really sure why, but I felt it had something to do with being in a different country.
The more I thought about it, the more I felt sad to be away from all of my family members and California. I missed our house on O’Farrell Drive and how there was always a place for everything and everything in its place. Now when I looked around the room I still felt that ‘temporary’ feeling; our clothes hanging on a rack; books and shoes piled together by the side of the bed; a mirror square and make-up on a table- top.
Mostly however, I felt out of place. Like I don’t belong here. Although I enjoy learning about new cultures, I felt that it’s not my culture. And even though in the States I felt that I mastered the English language, here in everyday conversations I have to constantly say, ‘excuse me?’ and ‘could you please repeat that?’ And, as if driving on the opposite side of the road was not hard enough to learn, I also have to locate places on the map like Burton-Upon-Trent and Stratford-Upon-Avon.
Still, when I thought about going back to the States it brought me no comfort either. There is a saying that says, “You can never go home again.” I believe that saying means that once we leave something behind, we grow and change in such a way that we would no longer find satisfaction in trying to recapture a feeling or experience from the past. I knew that going ‘home’ would not satisfy this sense of longing. This left me feeling even bleaker about this feeling of ‘belonging’ in the right place.
As usual, I decided to turn to my daily Course lesson and once again Holy Spirit came to the rescue! Lesson 182 helped me to remember that nowhere in this world is really home to me, yet I continue to search because I sense that my true home is near. According to the Course, this is not only true for me but for everyone who walks this world, and all of us suffer as a result.
We are all looking to find where we really belong. We are all seeking to find our home. We all try to distract ourselves from this emptiness by playing games that keep us occupied; moving from one place to another, changing jobs, relationships, etc. Some of us simply deny our sadness and do not recognize our tears at all. But in simple honesty, we all know at a deep level that something is amiss, and the home we seek cannot be made by us.
Yet, the lesson explains, ‘there is a Child in us Who seeks His Father’s house, and knows that we are alien here. This childhood is eternal, with an innocence that will endure forever.’ This Child is the Christ, our true Self, and he has come to bring us home if we will only let Him. All we need to do is give Him space within our heart and mind to be present and not allow His gentle Voice to be drowned out by the grating sounds and harsh noises of the world.
I was also reminded however that this Child needs my protection. Like any Child He must be nourished and looked after, not left in isolation and neglected. This Child needs love and patience. He is innocent, sweet and pure. But this Child is not helpless to say the least. In fact this Child is my defencelessness: my strength. He trusts in me and He knows I will not fail Him.
This lesson served as an excellent reminder for me that my home is nowhere in this world, and to search for it here is pointless. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter where I live, or where I hang my clothes. It doesn’t matter what I do for a living, or how many times I change jobs, or whether I have a job at all. The Course says, ‘the holy Child remains with me. His home is mine.’ All I need do is create a quiet, still place for him to come and rest, and each time I do I go home.
Amen
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